Okay, as you can tell by the title of my post, this is going to be a VERY controversial posting(LOL)!.
I’ve been married for 12 years now(shout out to my hubby:)) and I love him to death.
I meet SO many women who say that their significant other “rejects” their natural hair and aggressively tries to persuade them to “straighten, relax or weave it!” Okay people, this is crazy to say the least. With all of the years that us “black folk” have been in America(an other countries), I think its about time that OUR men accept and embrace us for who God created us to be. This is why I call myself a “revolutionist”. Yes, its revolutionary to go against the mainstream grain by going fully natural, fro and all.
I’ll tell you a little about my natural hair hubby relationship..
When I first went natural, he was the first person to suggest it. After hearing me complain all the time about my relaxed hair, he said, “why won’t you go natural and grow all of your perm off”. I took his advice. I wore box braids for 2 years and then cut off all of my relaxer. Oh boy, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into. I then started wearing braid-outs. Mind you, my hair was a meddy fro(about 3-4 inches) and it looked very cute in my opinion. I would braid the front and do a braid out on the back(sorry no pics guys).
When I would try to do any other style, he would totally reject it and say, “sugar, please keep doing what you’re doing”. Unfortunately, after so long, I grew wearing of wetting my hair and re-braiding at night(this was the only way to keep the braid pattern on my 4c hair) and being that I did not know how manage or take care of my natural hair the RIGHT way, I went back to relaxing. Let the record show that my hubby had not part in my re-relaxing my hair. Let’s fast forward a couple of years. After deciding to go natural this second and last time, I decided to cut the remaining relaxer off and wear my TWA!! OMG!! My hubby must have “had a fit” to say the least. He no longer liked “braid-outs” and he had a difficult time accepting my natural hair. Now, I should have mentioned earlier above that the first time I went natural, I actually applied a “texturizer”. I know, I know, this actually “un-naturaled my hair”. (Is un-naturaled a word?)
Since then, I’ve realized that my hubby only liked the previous braid-out because it was on ‘texturized’ hair which made my hair texture look more like GOOD HAIR!!
Oh yes, the term GOOD HAIR!! I’m really starting to despise this word in our culture and community. In my opinion, there is NO SUCH THING!! All hair is GOOD HAIR to me because its the hair that God saw fit to grow out of the individuals head..
Fortunately, I guess my hair has grew out to an acceptable length for my hubby(I survived the “why won’t you wear braids again) speeches. He thought my mini-twists looked “masculine”(WOW!) As a culture, I believe us “women” are responsible for our men’s perception of natural black hair. Because we are not confident of our natural hair ourselves, it filters over to create bad and mis-perceptions to in our men.
We have to move from trying to make ourselves something that we’re not or at least respect those who do. Many relaxed girlies talk down on those of us who’ve decided to go natural. I still don’t understand why they feel the need to do so being that we’re all women and we should support each other by sticking together. But if we can’t conjure up enough self-esteem and confidence in who God created us and each other to be, we can’t begin to expect our men to do it.
To sum it up…
My hair is about shoulder length when stretched and recently I put mini-twists on my hair and my hubby said, “I like that sugar, won’t you wear it like that more often!”
You see, I basically held my grown with very little compromising. Although, I definitely had to help my hubby change his mindset about natural hair(short natural hair that is), it was well worth it!