Is Submission CRAZY or Righteous?

is submission crazy?

is submission crazy?

I just finished talking to my mom whom I love dearly and appreciate with the utmost respect. She was a single mother who raised me and my 2 brothers to be respectful young adults and sacrificed so much to provide us with the things that we needed.

  • She nurtured and protected me.
  • She guarded me.
  • She loved me and was affectionate towards me.
  • She was also tender… times.
  • She is a strong and independent woman in all ways.
  • She is a leader, strong-willed and determined.

Does it all wound familiar to you? I know that it does. She is the type of woman that every little girl is taught to grow up to be. She taught me to be this way growing up. Not even so much with her words but more so with her lifestyle, personality and actions. These are not necessarily bad or negative attributes of course if used in the right contexts  and in line with God’s word. It’s also not a coincidence that my mother’s name is Deborah. She got the same calling as Deborah in the bible but I must admit that like so many of us, we lose our way and at times, we do not necessarily follow the call placed upon us at any given time or moment. I’m saying all of this to say that the woman I just described, my mom, whom I would die for, just told me that I am ‘crazy’ and meant it.

I know that most of my readers are now wondering what might occurred to have her tell me I am crazy. Well, first of all, my mom and I have always been close. For years, she’s been my best friend literally. I could talk to her about anything and she could talk to me about anything. This is not the state of our relationship now and I must say for the better. It is good for a mother and daughter to have a relationship that’s close. I desire and strive to have the same closeness with my two little girls. What I did not understand until a couple of years ago, was how this ‘closeness’ was effecting my marriage and my state of well-being so I had to ‘get back’. I had to create some space between my mother and other family members. For example, not calling my mother every time my husband hurt my feelings, or made a decision that I was unhappy with or to gossip. All of what I mentioned is considered gossip. It does not matter if you’re doing it with a close friend, a neighbor or your mother, its still gossip and its a sin and wrong.

Since then, our relationship has not been as close but I must say that my walk with Christ has been better. Let me explain. My opening myself up to, receiving and considering the bad counsel that was given to me by her, affected me in more ways than I could have imagined. Let me use today’s conversation as a prime example. I called her to see how she was doing and to….you know, talk mommy, daughter stuff. I told her that my deep freezer went out. She told me how ‘its good it lasted as long as it did’, etc. She said, ‘why don’t you tell your husband to buy you a new deep freezer’. I said I can’t or should I say ‘I won’t tell him, but I can ask’. She said ‘it’s not you can’t but you won’t and you crazy’. Now, I was almost offended by that statement, especially considering the tone and spirit in which she said it in. Also, this was not the first time she has said something like that to me. I’ve also heard it from others that were close enough to me for their opinion to matter and count to me. But this time something was different.

I did not have the energy to re-explain how wives should have a submissive and gentle, not controlling spirit towards their husband. I did not have time to recount 1 Peter Chapter 3 to her.

We’ve been over and studied these verses together for years. She know’s first hand how hard my journey to being a better, godly wife has been. She has seen me forgive. She’s seen me bridle my tongue when every bone in my being wanted to rant and rave and ‘go-off’. She’s seen it all. Instead of it making her say, ‘wow, God is truly amazing. Through everything, my daughter and my son-in-law is still together. Both of them are striving to please God and that’s amazing’, she takes opportunity to sew her seed’s of rebellion into my ear lobes.

This is one of my reasons I’ve decided to reject anything from anyone that is not God’s word. Life and death is in the power of our tongues according to the bible. We have the right to refuse or accept what people say about us and towards us. I choose to accept only what the Word of God says about me. Question is, am I seeking to please my mother or the Lord?

Many young women seek the approval of their family over the Lord. His words says that we are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (kjv) and some translations state to submit as a service to the Lord (amp).

Note: Submission is simply following your husbands leadership, yielding and conforming to it .

Is submission crazy?

According to Webster’s Dictionary

Submission means: 

  •  the state of being obedient : the act of accepting the authority or control of someone else

Is it crazy to be and act in submission to God’s instituted authority on earth?

My answer is Yes. Christianity is crazy to the world.

 

1 Corinthians 1:18 states “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (NIV)

1 Corinthians 4:10 states ”

It’s often hard for people to ‘leave and cleave’. Once married, its often difficult for men and women to leave their families ‘grip’ on their lives. In worse case scenarios, the word of God often makes it more difficult and I believe God’s wants it that way.

Matthew 10:34-36 states “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.”

The word of God is foolishness and craziness to those who do not trust in Him and believe His word over what they think, see and feel.

Sadly, this can include family members. So much so, God’s word will bring division and put close family members against each other because of their disagreement on lifestyle.

Unfortunately, our church’s and pews are filled with people who are professional pew-warmers who attend church religiously. They know the church talk and rhetoric.

  • They know how to dress, etc. But when it come to living for Christ, that’s where the buck stops.
  • They obey His word up until a point.
  • They are not willing to crucify themselves daily.
  • They are not willing to die to their wants.
  • They even try to push their lifestyle and wants on others, including their family members.

God’s word is not the standard.

His Word is not the standard in our country, culture or society.

We as women, we are very emotional creatures. If we are not careful, our feelings will become an idol in our hearts. This was the case for me for so many years. If it didn’t feel right, it must not have been right. If my husband would make a decision that I did not agree with, I ‘felt’ it gave me the right to argue with him and try to convince him to see that I was right.

This was so far from Gods plan for me as a wife. I began studying and saw the truth in God’s word. I am suppose to win him over not by being ‘contentious’, argumentative or with talk but by my godly lifestyle and living (1 peter 3:1). All the while, loving him in a submissive way and yielding to him in a peaceful and gentle spirit. Now, of course, if he asks me to sin, God does not want me to follow him into sin. If I did that, I would be making my husband an idol.

Thanks be to God that He gives us the strength to walk in obedience to His word, even unto death. He gives us His Holy Spirit to fill us and empower us to walk in His Spirit not in our fleshly desires. His power allows me to strive and live a life worthy to Him, allowing my walk and marriage to bring glory to His name, inspite of persecution from those I love and others on the outside making judgments. Because of this, I am free to live in liberty. You are free as well.

The Radicalness of GODLY Femininity!

Wow!! What a awesome couple of months:)

I’ve been a long journey throughout my adult life, searching for my purpose and destiny. I got married at 19, currently have 4 children and my husband is a God-fearing man of God. This can often be overwhelming for any person. I was raised to believe in “women’s rights”, “feminism”, you name it. I was taught to be a strong-willed women. Even though my family was “Christian” and went to church “religiously”, I was taught that submission to one’s husband was a requirement of scripture BUT relative to say the least.

thCARAY1JT

After being married for 13 years, I’m finally seeing the truth. After coming to the realization that what I had been doing was not actually “submission”, I had to take a redirection in the course of my behavior and living. My husband had been trying to tell me for years that the behavior that I was portraying was not really submission. He had been complaining about my disrespect and showing me various ways I which I would disrespect him and his headship. Truthfully, at the time, I thought that HE was the one misunderstanding scripture and taking that verse out of context. God couldn’t really mean submit to a mere mortal man after he has said something to hurt MY feelings. After he had did things to sin against me. After he has clearly made visible mistakes, right?

I never cursed him out. I very seldom raised my voice to scream at him. I cooked. I cleaned. I took care of the kids. I stood by him. I, I, I. I never really considered him, my husband and how he was feeling. I discounted his feelings. I never really considered the truth in God’s word and how it stands all alone by itself. I took what the culture, my upbringing and my own opinions and mixed them with the word to form my own understanding. Wow! This is potentially dangerous.

It wasn’t until I saw my marriage at the pivotal of divorce for the….uummm 5TH TIME, did I actually try to seek out God’s divine truth. I sought help from the world wide web through use of bible scripture, godly blogs, videos, etc.  It was until then did I find out that what I was doing was actually rebellion. It was not godly submission and godly femininity. What I was taught was as “witchcraft”. (1 Samuel 15:23).

I realized that what society and culture constitutes as “femininity” is actually witchcraft, hedonism and ultimately IDOLATRY! Thanks to The Peaceful Wife and other sites devoted to showing women how to live in godly femininity, I began to learn what God wants me to be and how He desires me to live. I am still on my journey of course but I am definitely on my way!!

I refuse to let my generational curse of un-submission rule my life. I refuse to let witchcraft through rebellion to God’s word rule my life. For God’s word says “The head of woman is man” (Ephesians 5 NKJ). God has an ordained order that He expects from His children or those professing to be His.

I began to learn about the idolatry within my heart. How I lived in idolatry by placing my feelings, emotions, opinions, thoughts, hurt, pain, you name it, over God’s word. Over being obedient to Him. I thank God for wisdom and insight. I praise God for His grace and mercy on me and this world. I thank Him for giving me a chance to see the truth and for empowering me to walk in it each day.

I must say that each day is a struggle right now just like a baby learning to walk. Each day, I MUST press in to God’s word and Holy Spirit. If not, lets just say that day won’t go to well. I encourage everyone to study the truth in God’s word on this subject for yourself. Research and find resources and study materials to help you. There is true liberty and freedom is letting go and LETTING GO! In releasing everything even your most sacred things, to Him.

Update: 12/9/13

I do not want my postings to portray ‘one-sided ness’. Every marriage is different. Some may deal with abusiveness at the hands of their husbands, be it physical, emotional or mental. Some may deal with drug abuse and other marital issues. If you deal with any of these issues or any other serious issue, please seek the Lord for guidance. Also, professional/spiritual counseling by a trained and certified professional may be a viable solution. This blog posting, as well as other’s I may post, is devoted to highlighting my personal journey, knowledge and wisdom that I’ve learned and am learning along my journey to becoming the wife that God delights in based on His word. It’s devoted to helping other women whose marriages may have or be suffering because of their sin of rebellion, lack of respect and submission to their husband and who desire to change from this into the gentle and peaceable spirited wife that God desires. It’s devoted to women whose marriage may not be suffering but who desire to become what Christ want’s them to be. 1 Peter chapter 3.

The BEAUTY of Grace!!

Not to sound “religious” in any kind of way but isn’t Grace beautiful? We live each day, each moment, each second where most of us, never stop to consider or enjoy the beauty of live and living, let along GRACE. What is Grace, as pertaining to God and the scripture? Contrary to popular belief, Grace and Mercy are definitely sister’s but different. Grace is used in a variety of cases in the bible where it the meaning varies. I want to talk to you today about grace in the facet of “unmerited pardon”.

In the New Testament, the Lord used the word “grace” to represent or define “unmerited pardon“. I’m OVERLY ecstatic today to talk to you guys about this because my family and I are living witnesses of God’s grace, love, mercy and more!

Let me provide you with some history and a written explanation of why I’m ecstatic today about the loving grace of God. Yesterday, my husband and I went to court, along with a few other young men, to go before the judge who will ultimately exonerate my husband and 3 others for a crime they were convicted of in 1995.This is phenomenal being that we all have suffered the implications and the shortfalls that often accompany a recorded felony conviction.

The ‘stigma’ that’s associated with it is devastating. It’s been 18 years since the incident and my husband stated that he thought that he was going to have to spend the rest of life living in the chains of the wrongful and erroneous blemish, until “one day.” “One day”, we received that call and the rest is history.Many of you might know and understand some of the calamities that come with a felony conviction on your record. Just imagine of you are innocent of this conviction and no one believes you? How would you feel about the justice or legal system? Would you have faith in it? Would you believe that is was “just?”

We received a call from the Texas Innocence Project which has devoted its mission to freeing innocently convicted victims, those incarcerated and not. Thankfully, must husband did not serve time in the pen as a result of this, he was sentenced to probation but the effects were non the less devastating. Due to this, he suffered from lack of employment, housing, prejudice and much more!

Of course some might say, “18 years is a long time, why did God make you wait that long for this?” We must know that God’s ways are not our ways. Technically, 18 years is not a long time being that Gods’ creation has been around for thousands, maybe millions of years. The bible states that a day is like a thousand of years to God. This is often hard to understand and perceive to us, fleshly, human beings, but with God, all things ARE possible. It’s “beauty” is indescribable. It’s hard to put it into words. Long story short, this testimony is a real-time example of the greatness and goodness of God’s grace. It’s simply beautiful because God will restore the years of your life that you thought you lost. Only He can do it!! So to Him, my family and I will be forever grateful.

Men and their “Natural Hair” Mindset!

Okay, as you can tell by the title of my post, this is going to be a VERY controversial posting(LOL)!.

I’ve been married for 12 years now(shout out to my hubby:)) and I love him to death.

I meet SO many women who say that their significant other “rejects” their natural hair and aggressively tries to persuade them to “straighten, relax or weave it!” Okay people, this is crazy to say the least. With all of the years that us “black folk” have been in America(an other countries), I think its about time that OUR men accept and embrace us for who God created us to be. This is why I call myself a “revolutionist”. Yes, its revolutionary to go against the mainstream grain by going fully natural, fro and all.

I’ll tell you a little about my natural hair hubby relationship..

When I first went natural, he was the first person to suggest it. After hearing me complain all the time about my relaxed hair, he said, “why won’t you go natural and grow all of your perm off”. I took his advice. I wore box braids for 2 years and then cut off all of my relaxer. Oh boy, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into. I then started wearing braid-outs. Mind you, my hair was a meddy fro(about 3-4 inches) and it looked very cute in my opinion. I would braid the front and do a braid out on the back(sorry no pics guys).

When I would try to do any other style, he would totally reject it and say, “sugar, please keep doing what you’re doing”. Unfortunately, after so long, I grew wearing of wetting my hair and re-braiding at night(this was the only way to keep the braid pattern on my 4c hair) and being that I did not know how manage or take care of my natural hair the RIGHT way, I went back to relaxing. Let the record show that my hubby had not part in my re-relaxing my hair. Let’s fast forward a couple of years. After deciding to go natural this second and last time, I decided to cut the remaining relaxer off and wear my TWA!! OMG!! My hubby must have “had a fit” to say the least. He no longer liked “braid-outs” and he had a difficult time accepting my natural hair. Now, I should have mentioned earlier above that the first time I went natural, I actually applied a “texturizer”. I know, I know, this actually “un-naturaled my hair”. (Is un-naturaled a word?)

Since then, I’ve realized that my hubby only liked the previous braid-out because it was on ‘texturized’ hair which made my hair texture look more like GOOD HAIR!!

Oh yes, the term GOOD HAIR!! I’m really starting to despise this word in our culture and community. In my opinion, there is NO SUCH THING!! All hair is GOOD HAIR to me because its the hair that God saw fit to grow out of the individuals head..

Moving on..

Fortunately, I guess my hair has grew out to an acceptable length for my hubby(I survived the “why won’t you wear braids again) speeches. He thought my mini-twists looked “masculine”(WOW!) As a culture, I believe us “women” are responsible for our men’s perception of natural black hair. Because we are not confident of our natural hair ourselves, it filters over to create bad  and mis-perceptions to in our men.

We have to move from trying to make ourselves something that we’re not or at least respect those who do. Many relaxed girlies talk down on those of us who’ve decided to go natural. I still don’t understand why they feel the need to do so being that we’re all women and we should support each other by sticking together. But if we can’t conjure up enough self-esteem and confidence in who God created us and each other to be, we can’t begin to expect our men to do it.

To sum it up…

My hair is about shoulder length when stretched and recently I put mini-twists on my hair and my hubby said, “I like that sugar, won’t you wear it like that more often!”

You see, I basically held my grown with very little compromising. Although, I definitely had to help my hubby change his mindset about natural hair(short natural hair that is), it was well worth it!

The NAPPTURAL’s Creed!

A Napptural’s Creed
  • Napptural chic’s are fierce, bold and a FORCE to be wreckened with! Some might call us “REVOLUTIONARY“.Our hair texture is versatile, agile and fluid, making it one of the best kind of textures to have, in the WORLD! Love it, embrace it!
  • Natural hair is “UNIQUE” in that it can be styled a variety of ways. Your options are limitless. Some might try to lock “natural hair” into a box…..DON’T LET THEM! Do not believe the hype! Natural black hair(as well as other naturally curly hair types) can grow to LONG, LONG lengths.
  • Have confidence in who and HOW God created you to be. Embrace your natural hair and KNOW that it is beautiful. Others will sense and feed off of your self-esteem and confidence. This will help others around you, who might not agree or “feel” your natural hair, understand, feel, accept and start seeing it for what it truely is…BEAUTIFUL!
  • Refuse to “RELAPSE!” Coming from a previous “relapser”, refuse to give in to returning to relaxers or the “creamy crack”. Have a sound resolve within yourself to be dedicated and determined to grow your naturally, healthy hair. You’ll love yourself(and your hair will love you) for it!
  • Know that all hair is different. If you compare your hair to someone else’s, you will become frustrated. There are various hair types, lengths and textures and no one has the EXACT same hair. This is what makes us all uniquely different from one another.
  • Patience is the “holy grail” of natural hair culture. Don’t allow yourself to be stressed out over your hair or how its growing. Know that with applying proper methods and guess what..PATIENCE.. your hair will blossom into the best hair that you could imagine. Also, stress can word adversely against your hair. Stress can lead to thinning, damage and bald area’s within the scalp.
  • Lifestyle is critical. Having a healthy lifestyle means drinking plenty of WATER, eating a HEALTHY DIET, EXERCISING and MANAGING STRESS levels. All of these factors play an important role in growing long, healthy, natural hair. Remember: healthy hair begins on the INSIDE! One of the best ways that I reduce stress is by PRAYER & Mediation on the Scriptures! Can’t get enough of it!
  • Moisture, moisture and moisture! You’ve probably seen this fact repeated numerous times on natural hair sites and blogs but its SO true! Water loves your hair and natural hair LOVE’S WATER! Give your hair moisture through one of the best moisturizing agents known to man, WATER! You do not have to go spending hundreds of dollars on moisturizing products, you can opt for simple H20 and a sealant.

Eccentric or Just Natural?

Since I’ve decided to let go of my addiction to ‘creamy crack’, I’ve received and experienced so many different reactions from others. Of course, I’ve received a tremendous amount of positive and edifying insights, reactions and assurances from fellow naturals but from others….that’s a mixed review. Friends of mine, as well as others who are still dedicated to spending a tremendous amount of cash, time and scalp cells, in order to have the straightest, relaxed hair, often coin those who decide to wear their natural hair as “ECCENTRIC” or “SOULFUL”. I’ve even overheard someone stating that we naturals are “getting back to our African roots”. Okay, understandable. Personally, I do not find that comment offending, being that my African roots deserved to be cherished and embraced. But despite this, I also cherish the percent of Caucasian and Native American blood that’s also running through my veins. Just because I decide to wear the hair the God has ordained to grow from my scalp, doesn’t make me any more “ETHNIC” or culturally endowed than the next person. On the other hand, I believe that some might would become offended at these perceptions, held by so many in our society. Regardless of race, most, if asked, would coin ‘natural hair’ as ‘eccentric’. I refuse to let others place me into a box or borders. I refuse to locked into what society says. Call me a REVOLUTIONARY!  I choose to just be called “NATURAL”

Little Natural Girls, Confidence And The Dolls They Love!

Since I’ve been natural and into this quote on quote “natural thang”.I seen the light! It’s truly very revelatory to say the least. Though most of my closest friends are still addicted to that “creamy crack”, we try not to judge each other knowing that all things might not work for everyone.But I am loving being a natural due to the fact that it is very low maintainence, when compared to other regimes. Lately, I’ve been having a problem with my 2 little girls. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old. When my seven year old was 3, I put a “Just For Me” relaxer on her head. After finding out that I made the wrong decision, I began transitioning her hair.

Thankfully now, both of my girls are full naturals. The problem is that both of them are now in school and dealing with pressure from a “straight” haired world. Most of her classmates are of other races or have relaxed hair. I’ve been trying to get them to understand and appreciate their unique beauty. I often tell them of how God create us with the hair that is “growing” out of our roots, straight, wavy or curly and that we should not covet someone else’s hair.

I have straightened their hair before and this appeased them somewhat. Do you know that my 5 year old had the audacity to ask for a “PERM”! Red alarms went OFF in my head! Okay, this was the last straw! This is when I decided to cultivate my inner natural! A friend of mine sent me a Facebook link to Afro Glitz and site devoted to expressing young natural hair. This was the first time that I had saw natural haired dolls. They were beautiful(unlike the black dolls of day…UGLY!)

I showed them to my girls, in addition to the tremendous amounts of head shots that were present, of beautiful little <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN564qtvKTc”>natural hair dolls</a>. My girls loved it, seeing cute dolls and other girls like them. I went on a search to find some of these dolls online and they were EXPENSIVE!

So one day, my girls and I ran across a site where a mom, like me, was tired and fed up with not being able to find suitable cute dolls or items to help her assist her daughter in becoming confident and secure in her natural hair skin. So Beads, Braids and Beyond started making her girls dolls hair appear natural called I tried to do it with, let’s just say, the supplies I had at home. I didn’t turn out as well but definitely a new, natural barbie was born and my girls loved it

I showed them to my girls, in addition to the tremendous amounts of head shots that were present, of beautiful little natural hair dolls. My girls loved it, seeing cute dolls and other girls like them. I went on a search to find some of these dolls online and they were EXPENSIVE!

So one day, my girls and I ran across a site where a mom, like me, was tired and fed up with not being able to find suitable cute dolls or items to help her assist her daughter in becoming confident and secure in her natural hair skin. So Beads, Braids and Beyond started making her girls dolls hair appear natural called I tried to do it with, let’s just say, the supplies I had at home. I didn’t turn out as well but definitely a new, natural barbie was born and my girls loved it!