The Radicalness of GODLY Femininity!

Wow!! What a awesome couple of months:)

I’ve been a long journey throughout my adult life, searching for my purpose and destiny. I got married at 19, currently have 4 children and my husband is a God-fearing man of God. This can often be overwhelming for any person. I was raised to believe in “women’s rights”, “feminism”, you name it. I was taught to be a strong-willed women. Even though my family was “Christian” and went to church “religiously”, I was taught that submission to one’s husband was a requirement of scripture BUT relative to say the least.

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After being married for 13 years, I’m finally seeing the truth. After coming to the realization that what I had been doing was not actually “submission”, I had to take a redirection in the course of my behavior and living. My husband had been trying to tell me for years that the behavior that I was portraying was not really submission. He had been complaining about my disrespect and showing me various ways I which I would disrespect him and his headship. Truthfully, at the time, I thought that HE was the one misunderstanding scripture and taking that verse out of context. God couldn’t really mean submit to a mere mortal man after he has said something to hurt MY feelings. After he had did things to sin against me. After he has clearly made visible mistakes, right?

I never cursed him out. I very seldom raised my voice to scream at him. I cooked. I cleaned. I took care of the kids. I stood by him. I, I, I. I never really considered him, my husband and how he was feeling. I discounted his feelings. I never really considered the truth in God’s word and how it stands all alone by itself. I took what the culture, my upbringing and my own opinions and mixed them with the word to form my own understanding. Wow! This is potentially dangerous.

It wasn’t until I saw my marriage at the pivotal of divorce for the….uummm 5TH TIME, did I actually try to seek out God’s divine truth. I sought help from the world wide web through use of bible scripture, godly blogs, videos, etc.  It was until then did I find out that what I was doing was actually rebellion. It was not godly submission and godly femininity. What I was taught was as “witchcraft”. (1 Samuel 15:23).

I realized that what society and culture constitutes as “femininity” is actually witchcraft, hedonism and ultimately IDOLATRY! Thanks to The Peaceful Wife and other sites devoted to showing women how to live in godly femininity, I began to learn what God wants me to be and how He desires me to live. I am still on my journey of course but I am definitely on my way!!

I refuse to let my generational curse of un-submission rule my life. I refuse to let witchcraft through rebellion to God’s word rule my life. For God’s word says “The head of woman is man” (Ephesians 5 NKJ). God has an ordained order that He expects from His children or those professing to be His.

I began to learn about the idolatry within my heart. How I lived in idolatry by placing my feelings, emotions, opinions, thoughts, hurt, pain, you name it, over God’s word. Over being obedient to Him. I thank God for wisdom and insight. I praise God for His grace and mercy on me and this world. I thank Him for giving me a chance to see the truth and for empowering me to walk in it each day.

I must say that each day is a struggle right now just like a baby learning to walk. Each day, I MUST press in to God’s word and Holy Spirit. If not, lets just say that day won’t go to well. I encourage everyone to study the truth in God’s word on this subject for yourself. Research and find resources and study materials to help you. There is true liberty and freedom is letting go and LETTING GO! In releasing everything even your most sacred things, to Him.

Update: 12/9/13

I do not want my postings to portray ‘one-sided ness’. Every marriage is different. Some may deal with abusiveness at the hands of their husbands, be it physical, emotional or mental. Some may deal with drug abuse and other marital issues. If you deal with any of these issues or any other serious issue, please seek the Lord for guidance. Also, professional/spiritual counseling by a trained and certified professional may be a viable solution. This blog posting, as well as other’s I may post, is devoted to highlighting my personal journey, knowledge and wisdom that I’ve learned and am learning along my journey to becoming the wife that God delights in based on His word. It’s devoted to helping other women whose marriages may have or be suffering because of their sin of rebellion, lack of respect and submission to their husband and who desire to change from this into the gentle and peaceable spirited wife that God desires. It’s devoted to women whose marriage may not be suffering but who desire to become what Christ want’s them to be. 1 Peter chapter 3.

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The BEAUTY of Grace!!

Not to sound “religious” in any kind of way but isn’t Grace beautiful? We live each day, each moment, each second where most of us, never stop to consider or enjoy the beauty of live and living, let along GRACE. What is Grace, as pertaining to God and the scripture? Contrary to popular belief, Grace and Mercy are definitely sister’s but different. Grace is used in a variety of cases in the bible where it the meaning varies. I want to talk to you today about grace in the facet of “unmerited pardon”.

In the New Testament, the Lord used the word “grace” to represent or define “unmerited pardon“. I’m OVERLY ecstatic today to talk to you guys about this because my family and I are living witnesses of God’s grace, love, mercy and more!

Let me provide you with some history and a written explanation of why I’m ecstatic today about the loving grace of God. Yesterday, my husband and I went to court, along with a few other young men, to go before the judge who will ultimately exonerate my husband and 3 others for a crime they were convicted of in 1995.This is phenomenal being that we all have suffered the implications and the shortfalls that often accompany a recorded felony conviction.

The ‘stigma’ that’s associated with it is devastating. It’s been 18 years since the incident and my husband stated that he thought that he was going to have to spend the rest of life living in the chains of the wrongful and erroneous blemish, until “one day.” “One day”, we received that call and the rest is history.Many of you might know and understand some of the calamities that come with a felony conviction on your record. Just imagine of you are innocent of this conviction and no one believes you? How would you feel about the justice or legal system? Would you have faith in it? Would you believe that is was “just?”

We received a call from the Texas Innocence Project which has devoted its mission to freeing innocently convicted victims, those incarcerated and not. Thankfully, must husband did not serve time in the pen as a result of this, he was sentenced to probation but the effects were non the less devastating. Due to this, he suffered from lack of employment, housing, prejudice and much more!

Of course some might say, “18 years is a long time, why did God make you wait that long for this?” We must know that God’s ways are not our ways. Technically, 18 years is not a long time being that Gods’ creation has been around for thousands, maybe millions of years. The bible states that a day is like a thousand of years to God. This is often hard to understand and perceive to us, fleshly, human beings, but with God, all things ARE possible. It’s “beauty” is indescribable. It’s hard to put it into words. Long story short, this testimony is a real-time example of the greatness and goodness of God’s grace. It’s simply beautiful because God will restore the years of your life that you thought you lost. Only He can do it!! So to Him, my family and I will be forever grateful.

Men and their “Natural Hair” Mindset!

Okay, as you can tell by the title of my post, this is going to be a VERY controversial posting(LOL)!.

I’ve been married for 12 years now(shout out to my hubby:)) and I love him to death.

I meet SO many women who say that their significant other “rejects” their natural hair and aggressively tries to persuade them to “straighten, relax or weave it!” Okay people, this is crazy to say the least. With all of the years that us “black folk” have been in America(an other countries), I think its about time that OUR men accept and embrace us for who God created us to be. This is why I call myself a “revolutionist”. Yes, its revolutionary to go against the mainstream grain by going fully natural, fro and all.

I’ll tell you a little about my natural hair hubby relationship..

When I first went natural, he was the first person to suggest it. After hearing me complain all the time about my relaxed hair, he said, “why won’t you go natural and grow all of your perm off”. I took his advice. I wore box braids for 2 years and then cut off all of my relaxer. Oh boy, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into. I then started wearing braid-outs. Mind you, my hair was a meddy fro(about 3-4 inches) and it looked very cute in my opinion. I would braid the front and do a braid out on the back(sorry no pics guys).

When I would try to do any other style, he would totally reject it and say, “sugar, please keep doing what you’re doing”. Unfortunately, after so long, I grew wearing of wetting my hair and re-braiding at night(this was the only way to keep the braid pattern on my 4c hair) and being that I did not know how manage or take care of my natural hair the RIGHT way, I went back to relaxing. Let the record show that my hubby had not part in my re-relaxing my hair. Let’s fast forward a couple of years. After deciding to go natural this second and last time, I decided to cut the remaining relaxer off and wear my TWA!! OMG!! My hubby must have “had a fit” to say the least. He no longer liked “braid-outs” and he had a difficult time accepting my natural hair. Now, I should have mentioned earlier above that the first time I went natural, I actually applied a “texturizer”. I know, I know, this actually “un-naturaled my hair”. (Is un-naturaled a word?)

Since then, I’ve realized that my hubby only liked the previous braid-out because it was on ‘texturized’ hair which made my hair texture look more like GOOD HAIR!!

Oh yes, the term GOOD HAIR!! I’m really starting to despise this word in our culture and community. In my opinion, there is NO SUCH THING!! All hair is GOOD HAIR to me because its the hair that God saw fit to grow out of the individuals head..

Moving on..

Fortunately, I guess my hair has grew out to an acceptable length for my hubby(I survived the “why won’t you wear braids again) speeches. He thought my mini-twists looked “masculine”(WOW!) As a culture, I believe us “women” are responsible for our men’s perception of natural black hair. Because we are not confident of our natural hair ourselves, it filters over to create bad  and mis-perceptions to in our men.

We have to move from trying to make ourselves something that we’re not or at least respect those who do. Many relaxed girlies talk down on those of us who’ve decided to go natural. I still don’t understand why they feel the need to do so being that we’re all women and we should support each other by sticking together. But if we can’t conjure up enough self-esteem and confidence in who God created us and each other to be, we can’t begin to expect our men to do it.

To sum it up…

My hair is about shoulder length when stretched and recently I put mini-twists on my hair and my hubby said, “I like that sugar, won’t you wear it like that more often!”

You see, I basically held my grown with very little compromising. Although, I definitely had to help my hubby change his mindset about natural hair(short natural hair that is), it was well worth it!

The NAPPTURAL’s Creed!

A Napptural’s Creed
  • Napptural chic’s are fierce, bold and a FORCE to be wreckened with! Some might call us “REVOLUTIONARY“.Our hair texture is versatile, agile and fluid, making it one of the best kind of textures to have, in the WORLD! Love it, embrace it!
  • Natural hair is “UNIQUE” in that it can be styled a variety of ways. Your options are limitless. Some might try to lock “natural hair” into a box…..DON’T LET THEM! Do not believe the hype! Natural black hair(as well as other naturally curly hair types) can grow to LONG, LONG lengths.
  • Have confidence in who and HOW God created you to be. Embrace your natural hair and KNOW that it is beautiful. Others will sense and feed off of your self-esteem and confidence. This will help others around you, who might not agree or “feel” your natural hair, understand, feel, accept and start seeing it for what it truely is…BEAUTIFUL!
  • Refuse to “RELAPSE!” Coming from a previous “relapser”, refuse to give in to returning to relaxers or the “creamy crack”. Have a sound resolve within yourself to be dedicated and determined to grow your naturally, healthy hair. You’ll love yourself(and your hair will love you) for it!
  • Know that all hair is different. If you compare your hair to someone else’s, you will become frustrated. There are various hair types, lengths and textures and no one has the EXACT same hair. This is what makes us all uniquely different from one another.
  • Patience is the “holy grail” of natural hair culture. Don’t allow yourself to be stressed out over your hair or how its growing. Know that with applying proper methods and guess what..PATIENCE.. your hair will blossom into the best hair that you could imagine. Also, stress can word adversely against your hair. Stress can lead to thinning, damage and bald area’s within the scalp.
  • Lifestyle is critical. Having a healthy lifestyle means drinking plenty of WATER, eating a HEALTHY DIET, EXERCISING and MANAGING STRESS levels. All of these factors play an important role in growing long, healthy, natural hair. Remember: healthy hair begins on the INSIDE! One of the best ways that I reduce stress is by PRAYER & Mediation on the Scriptures! Can’t get enough of it!
  • Moisture, moisture and moisture! You’ve probably seen this fact repeated numerous times on natural hair sites and blogs but its SO true! Water loves your hair and natural hair LOVE’S WATER! Give your hair moisture through one of the best moisturizing agents known to man, WATER! You do not have to go spending hundreds of dollars on moisturizing products, you can opt for simple H20 and a sealant.

Eccentric or Just Natural?

Since I’ve decided to let go of my addiction to ‘creamy crack’, I’ve received and experienced so many different reactions from others. Of course, I’ve received a tremendous amount of positive and edifying insights, reactions and assurances from fellow naturals but from others….that’s a mixed review. Friends of mine, as well as others who are still dedicated to spending a tremendous amount of cash, time and scalp cells, in order to have the straightest, relaxed hair, often coin those who decide to wear their natural hair as “ECCENTRIC” or “SOULFUL”. I’ve even overheard someone stating that we naturals are “getting back to our African roots”. Okay, understandable. Personally, I do not find that comment offending, being that my African roots deserved to be cherished and embraced. But despite this, I also cherish the percent of Caucasian and Native American blood that’s also running through my veins. Just because I decide to wear the hair the God has ordained to grow from my scalp, doesn’t make me any more “ETHNIC” or culturally endowed than the next person. On the other hand, I believe that some might would become offended at these perceptions, held by so many in our society. Regardless of race, most, if asked, would coin ‘natural hair’ as ‘eccentric’. I refuse to let others place me into a box or borders. I refuse to locked into what society says. Call me a REVOLUTIONARY!  I choose to just be called “NATURAL”

Little Natural Girls, Confidence And The Dolls They Love!

Since I’ve been natural and into this quote on quote “natural thang”.I seen the light! It’s truly very revelatory to say the least. Though most of my closest friends are still addicted to that “creamy crack”, we try not to judge each other knowing that all things might not work for everyone.But I am loving being a natural due to the fact that it is very low maintainence, when compared to other regimes. Lately, I’ve been having a problem with my 2 little girls. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old. When my seven year old was 3, I put a “Just For Me” relaxer on her head. After finding out that I made the wrong decision, I began transitioning her hair.

Thankfully now, both of my girls are full naturals. The problem is that both of them are now in school and dealing with pressure from a “straight” haired world. Most of her classmates are of other races or have relaxed hair. I’ve been trying to get them to understand and appreciate their unique beauty. I often tell them of how God create us with the hair that is “growing” out of our roots, straight, wavy or curly and that we should not covet someone else’s hair.

I have straightened their hair before and this appeased them somewhat. Do you know that my 5 year old had the audacity to ask for a “PERM”! Red alarms went OFF in my head! Okay, this was the last straw! This is when I decided to cultivate my inner natural! A friend of mine sent me a Facebook link to Afro Glitz and site devoted to expressing young natural hair. This was the first time that I had saw natural haired dolls. They were beautiful(unlike the black dolls of day…UGLY!)

I showed them to my girls, in addition to the tremendous amounts of head shots that were present, of beautiful little <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN564qtvKTc”>natural hair dolls</a>. My girls loved it, seeing cute dolls and other girls like them. I went on a search to find some of these dolls online and they were EXPENSIVE!

So one day, my girls and I ran across a site where a mom, like me, was tired and fed up with not being able to find suitable cute dolls or items to help her assist her daughter in becoming confident and secure in her natural hair skin. So Beads, Braids and Beyond started making her girls dolls hair appear natural called I tried to do it with, let’s just say, the supplies I had at home. I didn’t turn out as well but definitely a new, natural barbie was born and my girls loved it

I showed them to my girls, in addition to the tremendous amounts of head shots that were present, of beautiful little natural hair dolls. My girls loved it, seeing cute dolls and other girls like them. I went on a search to find some of these dolls online and they were EXPENSIVE!

So one day, my girls and I ran across a site where a mom, like me, was tired and fed up with not being able to find suitable cute dolls or items to help her assist her daughter in becoming confident and secure in her natural hair skin. So Beads, Braids and Beyond started making her girls dolls hair appear natural called I tried to do it with, let’s just say, the supplies I had at home. I didn’t turn out as well but definitely a new, natural barbie was born and my girls loved it!