Won’t I become my husbands ‘doormat’ if I follow all that submitting stuff that’s in the bible?

Note: I’m writing this post in response to some negative feedback I’ve recently received from some readers that advised me and stated that I did not clearly explain my reasoning for some of my posts. Also, that I might have mislead some to believe that women are to be used and abused by their ‘sin-less’ husbands and that my recent post ‘tear down’ women. This is far from my intention. If you’ve read any of my recent post, please forgive me if they might have came across in any of these ways. This posting is in response to them. It is also for those who have been struggling in this area as well.

 

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I’ve been married approximately 13 years. We have four awesome kids. I’ve previously wrote the majority of my postings on natural living, hair, style, lifestyle, etc., until recently. I believe that the Holy Spirit impressed or compelled me to start writing more posts on my spiritual journey and walk being that this entire blog is devoted to the beauty of the whole or entire woman not just hair or natural appearances.

For the most part of my marriage, I tried to take control of my marriage by carrying it and the decisions on my back. As a result, my husband did not become passive. On the contrary, he became more aggressive. This created a spiritually ‘vilatile’ situation where my desire to control and ‘take’ authority was fuel that splashed on his fire of dominant aggression. The result would be fruitless instead of full of fruit. I was totally unaware of the gravity of what I was doing. I felt it was not a problem or issue and that he was the problem and needed to fix himself….immediately! Thankfully, at the earlier part of this year, I came across a couple of sites from a fellow sisters in the Lord, thepeacefulwife.com, ninaroesner.com, joleneengle.com where I began to see that I had been living in sin the whole time. My disrespect, rebellion, contention and spiritual strife had created a gulf of dissension in my marriage that was on the verge of destruction. Since then, the Lord, through His Holy Spirit has sent me on a journey to becoming a better, gentle and more peaceful wife. He’s changing me and totally changed my perspective on this issue. My marriage is changing. I’m changing and my husband is changing.

I write on this blog for women, single or married. Post such as this one, are directed to married women and those who one day hope to become married. I do not write for men. I do not try to teach or give wisdom to men on how to be better husbands. Marriage participants are ‘grown adult’s’ who make their own decisions and each have to give an account before the Lord for their decisions.There are countless amounts of blogs that are spirit-filled that assist in this area. A great one is the husband of The Peaceful Wife, respectedhusband.wordpress.com.  My husband also has a blog that is not strictly devoted to husbands but to end-times events and prophecy in which he also has some awesome posts on biblical marriage and husbands.

I spent almost all of my marriage focusing on on how my husband can be a better man, husband and father and all he needed to do was to listen and do what I say and we would have a better life and marriage. I totally ignored my sinfulness by way of my pride, lack of respect for him and countless of sins of my heart. He always told me and voiced how my contentious, argumentative, brawling, critical and complaining spirit would wound and hurt him and how it affected his and I’s relationship.His concerns would go in one ear and out the other because I felt that there was nothing wrong with me. At least I did not curse him out. At least I did not throw plates that I oh so wanted to do at times. I was OK. I was not sinning. He must be confused. To me, I was OK and sinless in my duties as a wife and he was not and needed to change. I did know that I was unhappy most of the time. I was stressed, anxious and fearful. I did not have peace because of worrying about everything.  These things did not make up the perfect marriage or the way God in intended for it to be.

We are on the road to a beautiful marriage the way God intended for it to be. I’m learning that I have security, esteem, peace, joy and blessing by focusing on my responsibility in my marriage as God requires in His word as being a daughter of Him, a wife and a mother.

“Won’t I be my husbands ‘doormat’ if I submit like that?”

I use to think like this. This is one of the may reasons why I did not do it. I refused to allow another human authority over me. I did not want to lose control over myself and my own destiny. I did not want to be abused and misused man. I feared that if I gave him that, he would misuse it and abuse it. I was not alone in this. Most woman today fear that if they start respecting and honoring their husbands in this fashion, they will lose their self identity, power and he will start walking all over them or be his ‘doormat’ to mistreat as he see’s fit.

God’s ways are NOT our way’s. His word contradicts the word of the world. His wisdom fights and wars against the wisdom of our society and culture. If you read within the bible, it directs us to do things that are so unconventionally and seemingly ignorant, drastic and insane.

The bible tells us to:

  1. Love our enemies, pray for them and do good to them
  2. Do good to others who mistreat us
  3. Return good to them who do evil toward us
  4. Bless them that curse us
  5. Forgive those who hurt us as many times as needed (70 times 70)
  6. Crucify to our wants, desires and feelings. Die to looking out for ourselves
  7. Be humble, meek and lowly-not prideful and full of ‘self-esteem’
  8. Serve and put the needs of others over our own needs (the least in the kingdom is the greatest servant)
  9. Be content and thankful in whatever situation we’re in (be it famine, homelessness, poverty, richness, etc.)
  10. Respect and honor all government rulers and leaders, even the wicked one’s

I’m beginning to see the pattern here. I understand why our society and the ‘world’ secularism do not accept the bibles view. I see how everything that God tell’s the wife to do is look at as ‘fanaticism, old fashioned, outdated, bigoted, chovenistic and crazy’ to our flesh. I know that many of you feel the exact same way I felt, “I have to tell him what to do and how to make decisions. I have to criticize him and question all of his decisions. If I don’t, he’ll lead us into destruction for sure. He’ll have our family ‘out there bad’. If I don’t, he’ll walk all over me and be a dictator and I won’t allow him or anyone to use and abuse me.”

Unfortunately, there are some husbands that are ‘overbearing, unjust, crooked, foolish and tyrannical’. But thankfully, that’s not most.  If God created most men or husbands to be this way, He would be unjust and that He is not. To quote the peaceful wife on this issue, ” And, really, the ones who are abusive, cruel tyrants are probably that way whether their wives attempt to respect and submit to them or not. These are the men who demand respect and “submission” (total, unquestioning obedience is their definition) from their wives  but ignore God’s commands for them to love their wives as Christ loves the church. ” They ignore their duty to love their wives as Christ loves the church. They do not respect or respond to God’s word neither do they honor it. They don’t submit themselves to Jesus Christ or His commands. In these situations, his wife’s respect could help him change or maybe not. 1 Peter 3:1-6 would be the solution for this situation possibly. An example would be Abigail in the 1 Samuel chapter 25 who was married to Nabal (his name means ‘fool’ in hebrew) who was a fool.

(Sidenote: If you are in a situation where you are being physically, mentally or emotionally abused, please seek Godly professional help. If there is drug addictions (crack, heroine, etc.) and mental issues, professional help from a Godly individual would be best. I am not by any means trained to provide counsel or advice in these area’s. If you are in any danger, please seek help ASAP!!! Please do not stay in a dangerous situation where you are in harm’s way. This post and previous post I’ve written on this issue is not for you and these circumstances. This post is for women who are subject to being like I was, controlling, disrespectful, dishonoring of their husbands. It is not for those who are in abusive relationships. My heart’s desire is not to tear down my sisters who are already wounded and torn down from their abusive husbands. I desire to build up, edify and encourage as the scripture dictates.)

Glory be to God, most husbands and men are not like fools. Most are good people who desire to do right. Most WILL respond to their wives consistent respect and honoring with love, tenderness and leadership. In Dr. Emerson Eggerich’s book series “Love and Respect”, he and his wife targets and reveals the needs of both spouses from a biblical perspective. Men were created to thrive off of their wife’s respect and sincere honor. They are made to respond positively by loving, nurturing, serving and protecting  those who respect, reverence and honor them for being them.

Contrary to political correctness, once you learn that men and women are different and have different needs and learn how to speak your husbands individual language of love which is respect and honor, you’ll see that we as woman are powerful being what God created us to be. I understand most of us are probably being disrespectful unintentionally. Who would marry a man to treat him with disrespect. We must have a certain level of love for the husband that we marry. Enough to marry him right? We must have though enough of him to say “I do”. So I know must are like I was, unaware that they are living in disrespect and sin.

Thanks be to God for his mercy and grace! He is faithful to forgive us of anything. He loves us so much that He won’t leave us in the sinful situation. He shows us our short-coming and falls so that we can recognize that we are nothing without Him and for us to depend on His power and strength to grow into what He created us to be and to start walking in obedience to His will.

Once you start doing this….

  • Your flesh’s power over you in this area will cease and it will stop destroying your husband and your marriage. You’ll no longer tear him down to pieces  and create ‘death’ with your mouths words. Life and death is in the power of our tongues. They’re little members with enormous power.
  • You’ll become anointed and empowered  through God’s Holy Spirit to speak life and minister to your husband and your family. Your words will become a spring of well fueled wisdom and life. Healing will flow from your tongue, thus healing your husbands wounds and your marriage woes.
  • You’ll have a new life of peace and joy that is ever-present!!

Most will go through the ‘quiet phase‘ along this journey. April from the peaceful wife’s blog has a great posting on this and the other phases that wives go through. This is where you realize what you’ve been creating with your words so you begin catching them before you speak them. You start noticing if what you’re about to say if blessing or not and you muzzle your mouth before saying it. You begin learning what is disrespectful with your speech and what is not. You stop arguing, criticizing, shaming him, embarassing him in front of other people, disrespecting him, ordering him around. You live quietly for a while, while learning what is right or not to say so that you won’t sin with your mouth. This phrase is probably frustrating for some and it is definitely frustrating for me but I learned and am learning a lot from it and my journey overall.

Next, you’ll start figuring out what is wholesome, pure and lovely to speak. You’ll begin to recognize and add words to your vocabulary that is praise worthy, uplifting, life-giving, respectful, courteous and edifying. It’s hard at first I must admit. It’s a total rebooting of our fleshly nature. It doesn’t happen overnight for most. Its a renewing of the mind that only comes through throwing off all we think and feel from our old selves and putting on the mind of Christ and allow Him to change and clean our hearts, soul, emotions, will and feelings.

After recognizing, you’ll start to ‘grab’ or take those negative thoughts captive. You’ll rebuke them because you’ll see that they are from Lucifer the devil himself. You’ll start thinking positive, God-filled thoughts about your husband. You’ll start focusing your attention on his gifts, talents and all of the good things that you respect and admire about him. The amount of words you speak daily will probably decrease if you’re doing this. The bible says ‘be quick to listen and slow to speak’ in James 1:19 and living a life where you’re bringing your thoughts captive prior to speaking them will cut most of your words in half. Like April was and so many other woman dealing with this issue, I use to say every word that came to mind, negative or positive.

I would gladly voice all of my concerns, worries, fears, anxieties, insecurities, you name it, on my husband as if to vomit my emotional filth all over him. Of course God’s spirit was not in control at these times. Where the spirit of the Lord there is liberty. He is a God of peace and order. Those thoughts were not peaceful thoughts. Once I allowed Him to come in and lead me, he allows me to be at peace irregardless of situations. I’m learning how to talk to my husband about what I’m feeling, thoughts and concerns but making sure that they are wholesome, spirit-filled words, not whatever fear the devil just placed in my mind.

Most husbands desire to please their wives. Who want’s to be married to an unhappy wife and know that they are the cause? God placed in husbands the desire to take care of their wives and to nurture her. They will rush to your aide if your hurting. On the other hand, when a man does not filled respected, honored or wanted, he shuts down his emotion and builds up walls in order to protect himself from further pain. Disrespect hurts men just like lack of love hurts us women. God desires men to love their wives like Christ loves the church and for women to respect, submit and honor their husbands as unto the Lord. Its a reciprocal relationship.

“I can’t lose doing what God’s word say”

Once I started to respect my husband and to honor him sincerely, he began to open up more to me and the walls began to fall down, walls that I created after year’s of disrespect. I never felt like he really cared about my feelings and would often tell me so. I realized that it was because of the walls he built up. He could not trust me with his feelings because I would hurt him with my words so he built walls thus I reaped what I had sewn. Now, those walls are beginning to fall and I’m so excited about what God is doing in my marriage!! My husband and I are growing closer and closer each day. This is all because of my recognizing that I was sinning and going in the other direction away from it. The more and more I show respect towards my husband, the more he showcase his caring about me and my feelings because he’s respecting me more. He values me and my insights more.

“I gained more power!!”

I’m powerful because I obey God’s commands. Submission is not a weakness is my source of power. In it, I have joy, ,peace, happiness, contentment and more. You can’t go wrong when you obey the Lord. He gives favor and a special blessing to those who obey His commands. He empowers us to keep growing closer to Him.I use to think this ‘stuff’ don’t really work. Now I AM A BELIEVER!!

Submitting is my placing my whole trust in the Lord to lead me through my husbands leadership and authority. I depend on the Lord to give my husband wisdom and guidance. I no longer try to compete or contend with him leadership or his decisions. I no longer have a ‘but’ every time I don’t get what I wan’t from him. It allows my husband to entreat me with love, tenderness, mercy, gentleness and affection. It gives him boldness for me and our marriage. He opens up his heart to me and for me. It builds more intimacy between us.

You can’t be submitting to get you’re husband to change who he is. You’re sole purpose MUST be because God’s word commands you to live a life of respect towards your husband. You’re purpose must be to bless your husband not to get him to change, become who you want or think he should be or to ‘control’ him. If you’re doing it as a means of manipulation or to control him, God is not leading you’re efforts. Our motives are very important. The Lord looks at the heart of an individual and their motives for obeying him. I’m learning that I can’t use submission as a means of control or to get my husband to ‘dwarf’ into the next TV prince charming but as my purpose and goal is to honor Christ and bring glory to Him by blessing my husband and honoring his God-appointed leadership in our family.

I can’t say that I’ve ‘arrived’. I’m still learning each step that I go but I must say that I’m seeing progress in my walk with Christ because of my repentance in this area. I’m determined to keep learning all I can and studying all I can about this subject so that I can be a woman that my husband can trust his heart with and whose children will rise up and call her blessed (proverbs 31)

 

The Radicalness of GODLY Femininity!

Wow!! What a awesome couple of months:)

I’ve been a long journey throughout my adult life, searching for my purpose and destiny. I got married at 19, currently have 4 children and my husband is a God-fearing man of God. This can often be overwhelming for any person. I was raised to believe in “women’s rights”, “feminism”, you name it. I was taught to be a strong-willed women. Even though my family was “Christian” and went to church “religiously”, I was taught that submission to one’s husband was a requirement of scripture BUT relative to say the least.

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After being married for 13 years, I’m finally seeing the truth. After coming to the realization that what I had been doing was not actually “submission”, I had to take a redirection in the course of my behavior and living. My husband had been trying to tell me for years that the behavior that I was portraying was not really submission. He had been complaining about my disrespect and showing me various ways I which I would disrespect him and his headship. Truthfully, at the time, I thought that HE was the one misunderstanding scripture and taking that verse out of context. God couldn’t really mean submit to a mere mortal man after he has said something to hurt MY feelings. After he had did things to sin against me. After he has clearly made visible mistakes, right?

I never cursed him out. I very seldom raised my voice to scream at him. I cooked. I cleaned. I took care of the kids. I stood by him. I, I, I. I never really considered him, my husband and how he was feeling. I discounted his feelings. I never really considered the truth in God’s word and how it stands all alone by itself. I took what the culture, my upbringing and my own opinions and mixed them with the word to form my own understanding. Wow! This is potentially dangerous.

It wasn’t until I saw my marriage at the pivotal of divorce for the….uummm 5TH TIME, did I actually try to seek out God’s divine truth. I sought help from the world wide web through use of bible scripture, godly blogs, videos, etc.  It was until then did I find out that what I was doing was actually rebellion. It was not godly submission and godly femininity. What I was taught was as “witchcraft”. (1 Samuel 15:23).

I realized that what society and culture constitutes as “femininity” is actually witchcraft, hedonism and ultimately IDOLATRY! Thanks to The Peaceful Wife and other sites devoted to showing women how to live in godly femininity, I began to learn what God wants me to be and how He desires me to live. I am still on my journey of course but I am definitely on my way!!

I refuse to let my generational curse of un-submission rule my life. I refuse to let witchcraft through rebellion to God’s word rule my life. For God’s word says “The head of woman is man” (Ephesians 5 NKJ). God has an ordained order that He expects from His children or those professing to be His.

I began to learn about the idolatry within my heart. How I lived in idolatry by placing my feelings, emotions, opinions, thoughts, hurt, pain, you name it, over God’s word. Over being obedient to Him. I thank God for wisdom and insight. I praise God for His grace and mercy on me and this world. I thank Him for giving me a chance to see the truth and for empowering me to walk in it each day.

I must say that each day is a struggle right now just like a baby learning to walk. Each day, I MUST press in to God’s word and Holy Spirit. If not, lets just say that day won’t go to well. I encourage everyone to study the truth in God’s word on this subject for yourself. Research and find resources and study materials to help you. There is true liberty and freedom is letting go and LETTING GO! In releasing everything even your most sacred things, to Him.

Update: 12/9/13

I do not want my postings to portray ‘one-sided ness’. Every marriage is different. Some may deal with abusiveness at the hands of their husbands, be it physical, emotional or mental. Some may deal with drug abuse and other marital issues. If you deal with any of these issues or any other serious issue, please seek the Lord for guidance. Also, professional/spiritual counseling by a trained and certified professional may be a viable solution. This blog posting, as well as other’s I may post, is devoted to highlighting my personal journey, knowledge and wisdom that I’ve learned and am learning along my journey to becoming the wife that God delights in based on His word. It’s devoted to helping other women whose marriages may have or be suffering because of their sin of rebellion, lack of respect and submission to their husband and who desire to change from this into the gentle and peaceable spirited wife that God desires. It’s devoted to women whose marriage may not be suffering but who desire to become what Christ want’s them to be. 1 Peter chapter 3.

The BEAUTY of Grace!!

Not to sound “religious” in any kind of way but isn’t Grace beautiful? We live each day, each moment, each second where most of us, never stop to consider or enjoy the beauty of live and living, let along GRACE. What is Grace, as pertaining to God and the scripture? Contrary to popular belief, Grace and Mercy are definitely sister’s but different. Grace is used in a variety of cases in the bible where it the meaning varies. I want to talk to you today about grace in the facet of “unmerited pardon”.

In the New Testament, the Lord used the word “grace” to represent or define “unmerited pardon“. I’m OVERLY ecstatic today to talk to you guys about this because my family and I are living witnesses of God’s grace, love, mercy and more!

Let me provide you with some history and a written explanation of why I’m ecstatic today about the loving grace of God. Yesterday, my husband and I went to court, along with a few other young men, to go before the judge who will ultimately exonerate my husband and 3 others for a crime they were convicted of in 1995.This is phenomenal being that we all have suffered the implications and the shortfalls that often accompany a recorded felony conviction.

The ‘stigma’ that’s associated with it is devastating. It’s been 18 years since the incident and my husband stated that he thought that he was going to have to spend the rest of life living in the chains of the wrongful and erroneous blemish, until “one day.” “One day”, we received that call and the rest is history.Many of you might know and understand some of the calamities that come with a felony conviction on your record. Just imagine of you are innocent of this conviction and no one believes you? How would you feel about the justice or legal system? Would you have faith in it? Would you believe that is was “just?”

We received a call from the Texas Innocence Project which has devoted its mission to freeing innocently convicted victims, those incarcerated and not. Thankfully, must husband did not serve time in the pen as a result of this, he was sentenced to probation but the effects were non the less devastating. Due to this, he suffered from lack of employment, housing, prejudice and much more!

Of course some might say, “18 years is a long time, why did God make you wait that long for this?” We must know that God’s ways are not our ways. Technically, 18 years is not a long time being that Gods’ creation has been around for thousands, maybe millions of years. The bible states that a day is like a thousand of years to God. This is often hard to understand and perceive to us, fleshly, human beings, but with God, all things ARE possible. It’s “beauty” is indescribable. It’s hard to put it into words. Long story short, this testimony is a real-time example of the greatness and goodness of God’s grace. It’s simply beautiful because God will restore the years of your life that you thought you lost. Only He can do it!! So to Him, my family and I will be forever grateful.

Men and their “Natural Hair” Mindset!

Okay, as you can tell by the title of my post, this is going to be a VERY controversial posting(LOL)!.

I’ve been married for 12 years now(shout out to my hubby:)) and I love him to death.

I meet SO many women who say that their significant other “rejects” their natural hair and aggressively tries to persuade them to “straighten, relax or weave it!” Okay people, this is crazy to say the least. With all of the years that us “black folk” have been in America(an other countries), I think its about time that OUR men accept and embrace us for who God created us to be. This is why I call myself a “revolutionist”. Yes, its revolutionary to go against the mainstream grain by going fully natural, fro and all.

I’ll tell you a little about my natural hair hubby relationship..

When I first went natural, he was the first person to suggest it. After hearing me complain all the time about my relaxed hair, he said, “why won’t you go natural and grow all of your perm off”. I took his advice. I wore box braids for 2 years and then cut off all of my relaxer. Oh boy, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into. I then started wearing braid-outs. Mind you, my hair was a meddy fro(about 3-4 inches) and it looked very cute in my opinion. I would braid the front and do a braid out on the back(sorry no pics guys).

When I would try to do any other style, he would totally reject it and say, “sugar, please keep doing what you’re doing”. Unfortunately, after so long, I grew wearing of wetting my hair and re-braiding at night(this was the only way to keep the braid pattern on my 4c hair) and being that I did not know how manage or take care of my natural hair the RIGHT way, I went back to relaxing. Let the record show that my hubby had not part in my re-relaxing my hair. Let’s fast forward a couple of years. After deciding to go natural this second and last time, I decided to cut the remaining relaxer off and wear my TWA!! OMG!! My hubby must have “had a fit” to say the least. He no longer liked “braid-outs” and he had a difficult time accepting my natural hair. Now, I should have mentioned earlier above that the first time I went natural, I actually applied a “texturizer”. I know, I know, this actually “un-naturaled my hair”. (Is un-naturaled a word?)

Since then, I’ve realized that my hubby only liked the previous braid-out because it was on ‘texturized’ hair which made my hair texture look more like GOOD HAIR!!

Oh yes, the term GOOD HAIR!! I’m really starting to despise this word in our culture and community. In my opinion, there is NO SUCH THING!! All hair is GOOD HAIR to me because its the hair that God saw fit to grow out of the individuals head..

Moving on..

Fortunately, I guess my hair has grew out to an acceptable length for my hubby(I survived the “why won’t you wear braids again) speeches. He thought my mini-twists looked “masculine”(WOW!) As a culture, I believe us “women” are responsible for our men’s perception of natural black hair. Because we are not confident of our natural hair ourselves, it filters over to create bad  and mis-perceptions to in our men.

We have to move from trying to make ourselves something that we’re not or at least respect those who do. Many relaxed girlies talk down on those of us who’ve decided to go natural. I still don’t understand why they feel the need to do so being that we’re all women and we should support each other by sticking together. But if we can’t conjure up enough self-esteem and confidence in who God created us and each other to be, we can’t begin to expect our men to do it.

To sum it up…

My hair is about shoulder length when stretched and recently I put mini-twists on my hair and my hubby said, “I like that sugar, won’t you wear it like that more often!”

You see, I basically held my grown with very little compromising. Although, I definitely had to help my hubby change his mindset about natural hair(short natural hair that is), it was well worth it!

Being Content…Regardless?

Being content…what a great phrase right?

I wonder if I was to ask someone who is homeless, being sexually abused, on death row and the likes, “are you content with where you are?”, what their answer will be.

I bet it would not be good. Some might disagree with the statement that I am about to make but its solely based on biblical scripture, “regardless of your situation, believers must be content!” What does content mean…

Content is defined as…

“A state of satisfaction”

What does the bible say about being content…

Philippians 4: 11-13:  11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Woe, that mindset is beyond current and modern popular belief. We’re bombarded with ideas demonstrating that a persons satisfaction or “content” should be based on their situation. I’ve lived for over 30 years and I’ve learned that living on this planet brings unforeseen situations. Regardless of one’s spirituality, everyone born of a woman must suffer, endure calamity, hardships and the trials of life. Face it, all will endure some type of issue or problem within your life, some great, some small. I disagree with the “worlds” belief that a persons satisfaction is solely based on their circumstance, amount of money or material wealth.

In the above scripture in Philippians, the Apostle Paul was imprisoned, beaten and threw out of various temples an innumerable amount of time. He endured massive hardship in his flesh while living but as he stated, he learned to be content “regardless of his circumstances”.

In being content, I’ve learned that I find “joy, peace, love, hope”, you name it. It brings a peace that no one can take from you. I’m at a stage in my life where God has brought me through so many things that when a new “thing” arises, I’m confident in his quick “action” on my behalf. If He did it “that” time, He can and will do it again.

Knowing and confidently residing in the blessed hope, trust and faith in what God can and will do, calms all fear, anxiety and worry. Perfect love casteth out all fear and God IS love! Fear is a result of a lack of trust in the Father God. Often we look at our circumstance and situation and it seems impossible and often “unsolvable”. After you’ve had experience with the master, you’ll see and understand His awesomeness!!

When I run across a brother or sister or non, that is going through a trial or temptation that they feel is unbearable, I try to reassure them that the Lord will not put any more on them than they can bear and that they should stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. Standing still requires being in a state of contentness.

I challenge everyone reading this post to think about their circumstance, consider the millions of people in the world who might be going through something more worse than you and meditate on YOUR many blessings, regardless of what you may see around you and in your circumstance. Once you do this, you will resort to being content…REGARDLESS!

Little Natural Girls, Confidence And The Dolls They Love!

Since I’ve been natural and into this quote on quote “natural thang”.I seen the light! It’s truly very revelatory to say the least. Though most of my closest friends are still addicted to that “creamy crack”, we try not to judge each other knowing that all things might not work for everyone.But I am loving being a natural due to the fact that it is very low maintainence, when compared to other regimes. Lately, I’ve been having a problem with my 2 little girls. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old. When my seven year old was 3, I put a “Just For Me” relaxer on her head. After finding out that I made the wrong decision, I began transitioning her hair.

Thankfully now, both of my girls are full naturals. The problem is that both of them are now in school and dealing with pressure from a “straight” haired world. Most of her classmates are of other races or have relaxed hair. I’ve been trying to get them to understand and appreciate their unique beauty. I often tell them of how God create us with the hair that is “growing” out of our roots, straight, wavy or curly and that we should not covet someone else’s hair.

I have straightened their hair before and this appeased them somewhat. Do you know that my 5 year old had the audacity to ask for a “PERM”! Red alarms went OFF in my head! Okay, this was the last straw! This is when I decided to cultivate my inner natural! A friend of mine sent me a Facebook link to Afro Glitz and site devoted to expressing young natural hair. This was the first time that I had saw natural haired dolls. They were beautiful(unlike the black dolls of day…UGLY!)

I showed them to my girls, in addition to the tremendous amounts of head shots that were present, of beautiful little <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN564qtvKTc”>natural hair dolls</a>. My girls loved it, seeing cute dolls and other girls like them. I went on a search to find some of these dolls online and they were EXPENSIVE!

So one day, my girls and I ran across a site where a mom, like me, was tired and fed up with not being able to find suitable cute dolls or items to help her assist her daughter in becoming confident and secure in her natural hair skin. So Beads, Braids and Beyond started making her girls dolls hair appear natural called I tried to do it with, let’s just say, the supplies I had at home. I didn’t turn out as well but definitely a new, natural barbie was born and my girls loved it

I showed them to my girls, in addition to the tremendous amounts of head shots that were present, of beautiful little natural hair dolls. My girls loved it, seeing cute dolls and other girls like them. I went on a search to find some of these dolls online and they were EXPENSIVE!

So one day, my girls and I ran across a site where a mom, like me, was tired and fed up with not being able to find suitable cute dolls or items to help her assist her daughter in becoming confident and secure in her natural hair skin. So Beads, Braids and Beyond started making her girls dolls hair appear natural called I tried to do it with, let’s just say, the supplies I had at home. I didn’t turn out as well but definitely a new, natural barbie was born and my girls loved it!