The Radicalness of GODLY Femininity!

Wow!! What a awesome couple of months:)

I’ve been a long journey throughout my adult life, searching for my purpose and destiny. I got married at 19, currently have 4 children and my husband is a God-fearing man of God. This can often be overwhelming for any person. I was raised to believe in “women’s rights”, “feminism”, you name it. I was taught to be a strong-willed women. Even though my family was “Christian” and went to church “religiously”, I was taught that submission to one’s husband was a requirement of scripture BUT relative to say the least.


After being married for 13 years, I’m finally seeing the truth. After coming to the realization that what I had been doing was not actually “submission”, I had to take a redirection in the course of my behavior and living. My husband had been trying to tell me for years that the behavior that I was portraying was not really submission. He had been complaining about my disrespect and showing me various ways I which I would disrespect him and his headship. Truthfully, at the time, I thought that HE was the one misunderstanding scripture and taking that verse out of context. God couldn’t really mean submit to a mere mortal man after he has said something to hurt MY feelings. After he had did things to sin against me. After he has clearly made visible mistakes, right?

I never cursed him out. I very seldom raised my voice to scream at him. I cooked. I cleaned. I took care of the kids. I stood by him. I, I, I. I never really considered him, my husband and how he was feeling. I discounted his feelings. I never really considered the truth in God’s word and how it stands all alone by itself. I took what the culture, my upbringing and my own opinions and mixed them with the word to form my own understanding. Wow! This is potentially dangerous.

It wasn’t until I saw my marriage at the pivotal of divorce for the….uummm 5TH TIME, did I actually try to seek out God’s divine truth. I sought help from the world wide web through use of bible scripture, godly blogs, videos, etc.  It was until then did I find out that what I was doing was actually rebellion. It was not godly submission and godly femininity. What I was taught was as “witchcraft”. (1 Samuel 15:23).

I realized that what society and culture constitutes as “femininity” is actually witchcraft, hedonism and ultimately IDOLATRY! Thanks to The Peaceful Wife and other sites devoted to showing women how to live in godly femininity, I began to learn what God wants me to be and how He desires me to live. I am still on my journey of course but I am definitely on my way!!

I refuse to let my generational curse of un-submission rule my life. I refuse to let witchcraft through rebellion to God’s word rule my life. For God’s word says “The head of woman is man” (Ephesians 5 NKJ). God has an ordained order that He expects from His children or those professing to be His.

I began to learn about the idolatry within my heart. How I lived in idolatry by placing my feelings, emotions, opinions, thoughts, hurt, pain, you name it, over God’s word. Over being obedient to Him. I thank God for wisdom and insight. I praise God for His grace and mercy on me and this world. I thank Him for giving me a chance to see the truth and for empowering me to walk in it each day.

I must say that each day is a struggle right now just like a baby learning to walk. Each day, I MUST press in to God’s word and Holy Spirit. If not, lets just say that day won’t go to well. I encourage everyone to study the truth in God’s word on this subject for yourself. Research and find resources and study materials to help you. There is true liberty and freedom is letting go and LETTING GO! In releasing everything even your most sacred things, to Him.

Update: 12/9/13

I do not want my postings to portray ‘one-sided ness’. Every marriage is different. Some may deal with abusiveness at the hands of their husbands, be it physical, emotional or mental. Some may deal with drug abuse and other marital issues. If you deal with any of these issues or any other serious issue, please seek the Lord for guidance. Also, professional/spiritual counseling by a trained and certified professional may be a viable solution. This blog posting, as well as other’s I may post, is devoted to highlighting my personal journey, knowledge and wisdom that I’ve learned and am learning along my journey to becoming the wife that God delights in based on His word. It’s devoted to helping other women whose marriages may have or be suffering because of their sin of rebellion, lack of respect and submission to their husband and who desire to change from this into the gentle and peaceable spirited wife that God desires. It’s devoted to women whose marriage may not be suffering but who desire to become what Christ want’s them to be. 1 Peter chapter 3.

Men and their “Natural Hair” Mindset!

Okay, as you can tell by the title of my post, this is going to be a VERY controversial posting(LOL)!.

I’ve been married for 12 years now(shout out to my hubby:)) and I love him to death.

I meet SO many women who say that their significant other “rejects” their natural hair and aggressively tries to persuade them to “straighten, relax or weave it!” Okay people, this is crazy to say the least. With all of the years that us “black folk” have been in America(an other countries), I think its about time that OUR men accept and embrace us for who God created us to be. This is why I call myself a “revolutionist”. Yes, its revolutionary to go against the mainstream grain by going fully natural, fro and all.

I’ll tell you a little about my natural hair hubby relationship..

When I first went natural, he was the first person to suggest it. After hearing me complain all the time about my relaxed hair, he said, “why won’t you go natural and grow all of your perm off”. I took his advice. I wore box braids for 2 years and then cut off all of my relaxer. Oh boy, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into. I then started wearing braid-outs. Mind you, my hair was a meddy fro(about 3-4 inches) and it looked very cute in my opinion. I would braid the front and do a braid out on the back(sorry no pics guys).

When I would try to do any other style, he would totally reject it and say, “sugar, please keep doing what you’re doing”. Unfortunately, after so long, I grew wearing of wetting my hair and re-braiding at night(this was the only way to keep the braid pattern on my 4c hair) and being that I did not know how manage or take care of my natural hair the RIGHT way, I went back to relaxing. Let the record show that my hubby had not part in my re-relaxing my hair. Let’s fast forward a couple of years. After deciding to go natural this second and last time, I decided to cut the remaining relaxer off and wear my TWA!! OMG!! My hubby must have “had a fit” to say the least. He no longer liked “braid-outs” and he had a difficult time accepting my natural hair. Now, I should have mentioned earlier above that the first time I went natural, I actually applied a “texturizer”. I know, I know, this actually “un-naturaled my hair”. (Is un-naturaled a word?)

Since then, I’ve realized that my hubby only liked the previous braid-out because it was on ‘texturized’ hair which made my hair texture look more like GOOD HAIR!!

Oh yes, the term GOOD HAIR!! I’m really starting to despise this word in our culture and community. In my opinion, there is NO SUCH THING!! All hair is GOOD HAIR to me because its the hair that God saw fit to grow out of the individuals head..

Moving on..

Fortunately, I guess my hair has grew out to an acceptable length for my hubby(I survived the “why won’t you wear braids again) speeches. He thought my mini-twists looked “masculine”(WOW!) As a culture, I believe us “women” are responsible for our men’s perception of natural black hair. Because we are not confident of our natural hair ourselves, it filters over to create bad  and mis-perceptions to in our men.

We have to move from trying to make ourselves something that we’re not or at least respect those who do. Many relaxed girlies talk down on those of us who’ve decided to go natural. I still don’t understand why they feel the need to do so being that we’re all women and we should support each other by sticking together. But if we can’t conjure up enough self-esteem and confidence in who God created us and each other to be, we can’t begin to expect our men to do it.

To sum it up…

My hair is about shoulder length when stretched and recently I put mini-twists on my hair and my hubby said, “I like that sugar, won’t you wear it like that more often!”

You see, I basically held my grown with very little compromising. Although, I definitely had to help my hubby change his mindset about natural hair(short natural hair that is), it was well worth it!

Are You Stressing Yourself to DEATH? 5 Steps To Stress Control

All of us are probably aware of the tremendous amount of recent studies conducted on stress and how it relates to our overall health. In modern years, a wealth of knowledge has been learned on this subject and the global community has embraced its findings, “Stress can be life-threatening!” But how much does stress influence our health, emotional and physical well-being? I know from experience that stress can lead to a pre-mature aging, fatigue, hair loss and even DEATH!

Yes my friends, stress can lead to death. A recent study shows that at least 10 major illness and ailments are directly or indirectly related to stress. These ten include(but are not limited to):

Heart Disease, Asthma, Obesity, Diabetes, Headaches, Depression/Anxiety, Gastrointestinal problems, Alzhemier’s Disease, Accelerated aging and of course Pre-mature death.

All of us have are or have either loved one’s, friends or those we know that have or are suffering from one of the above ailments. I have many family members that suffer from some of the above ailments. I believe that these illnesses  are directly related to the amount of uncontrolled stress in their lives.

In addition to the above ailments, stress hinders the amount and pace of hair growth and physical energy.  Thousands of people have suffered from hair loss due to stress, including Alopecia. Those of you who heart natural hair care,  are probably aware of the term “tension hair loss”. This is a term that describes the act of hair loss due to stressful weaves, extensions, braids and other hair styles, that often cause tension around the sensitive nape and hairline, as well as other parts of the scalp.  Stress or tension is term to describe a “pulling” or pressure that is expressed by uncomfortable, weighted pulling. So if we see this and agree to its known presence in natural situations such as hair, etc., we can definitely agree to the fact that it starts out in the spiritual realm and work its way out.

All of us have some form or type of stress. Some of us live under more stress or worry more than others but all that live on this planet must endure a reasonable amount of stress.  Stress is also associated with “suffering”, seemingly so. When we are suffering or FEEL like we are, it creates a stressful situation for us which can lead to increased heart palpitations, increased breathing, anxiety and more!And for those of us who suffer persecution from those around us for righteousness or  doing the “right thing”, this can increase the amount of stress in our lives.

2 Timothy 3:12 states: “Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.”

The question is not how to “get rid of stress” like some might teach online. The question is “how to you handle your stress”?  Unfortunately, some have turned to drugs and other unhealthy, negative answers which can only lead to other major problems.

Okay, there are a lot of “snack oil” products promising to do this or that or promising to provide a miracle cure for stress. As Christians, we look to the Holy scriptures as a compass and as the answer to all of our problems while living on earth. I love the acronym for the Bible, B. I. B. L. E.-“Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth!”

We do not resort to the same solutions as the world or should I say “unbelievers”. This fundamental concept is what ultimately separates us from unbelievers. Without this, how could one truly know the difference of the two.

Before you go out and spend one dime, start with these 5 simple steps, based on the word of God, to help control or manage the amount of stress in your life:

1. What’s stressing you?

-Seek guidance from the Lord to find out what stressors have taken up resident in your life. Are you concerned about bills, a loved one or some other issue?

2. Use the tool of Prayer

-The bible says in Phillipians 4:7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.-NIV

God is our source for peace and our ultimate problem solver!! Look to him for every solution that you seek and to resolve every fear or worry that you have.  By taking your fear, worry and anxiety to God, you are acknowledging He and Him alone, can solve your problem and that you are accepting and embracing your reliance on Him.

3.  Devotion and Meditation

-In the KJV translation, Matthew 11:28-30 states “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

God’s word has assurances and promises all throughout it. With mediation on these assurances “the scripture”, we are able to counteract any fear or worry that try to enter our spirit, soul or mind and cause stress. This is spiritual warfare at its finest! The word of God is a for sure sword!

4. Choose Faith not fear!

When fear come’s, we have the option to choose faith or fear. There are in direct opposition to one another.

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” KJV

If you’re experiencing worry, fear and anxiety, God is not the author of this! These are from their father, “the devil”. When you feel fear, know that Satan is fear and God is Love. God is the author of peace, serenity and tranquility. Satan is the author of confusion, chaos and calamity!

Matthew 6:25-26: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” KJV

Know that God surely love’s you and if he takes care of all of the wild animals, He can surely handle our problems and provide for our needs, whether it be material, emotional or spiritual.

Romans 8:31 “If God be for, who can be against us” KJV

Regardless of what is going on around you, do not worry for you know that God is for you and He is MORE than the whole world!

John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” NLT

I love the way the New Living translation translates this passage. Jesus say’s here that He was leaving us a GIFT of “peace of mind and heart”. Wow! And even more, not like the fading image of peace that is offered through the world but the real, authentic peace that can only be found in God! Choose to trust God and reject fear.

5.  Bless His name!

One of the best way’s to combat the stresses of life is to use praise and worship. Praise and worship can be conducted through a variety of ways. Speaking, shouting, dancing, listening to Godly music and teachings are all ways that Christians praise the Lord.

Psalms 30:4 Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holiness.” KJV

So many people, including myself, have experienced the superior power of praise and worship! If we praise and worship, it overshadows the stress, anxiety and fear that satan uses to stress us out. This is probably due to the fact that we are engulfed in the presence of the Holy Spirit and the power of God, and through praise and we worship, we realize that they are so much larger than our problems. Fear cannot coexist with the Holy Spirit!