I just finished talking to my mom whom I love dearly and appreciate with the utmost respect. She was a single mother who raised me and my 2 brothers to be respectful young adults and sacrificed so much to provide us with the things that we needed.
- She nurtured and protected me.
- She guarded me.
- She loved me and was affectionate towards me.
- She was also tender… times.
- She is a strong and independent woman in all ways.
- She is a leader, strong-willed and determined.
Does it all wound familiar to you? I know that it does. She is the type of woman that every little girl is taught to grow up to be. She taught me to be this way growing up. Not even so much with her words but more so with her lifestyle, personality and actions. These are not necessarily bad or negative attributes of course if used in the right contexts and in line with God’s word. It’s also not a coincidence that my mother’s name is Deborah. She got the same calling as Deborah in the bible but I must admit that like so many of us, we lose our way and at times, we do not necessarily follow the call placed upon us at any given time or moment. I’m saying all of this to say that the woman I just described, my mom, whom I would die for, just told me that I am ‘crazy’ and meant it.
I know that most of my readers are now wondering what might occurred to have her tell me I am crazy. Well, first of all, my mom and I have always been close. For years, she’s been my best friend literally. I could talk to her about anything and she could talk to me about anything. This is not the state of our relationship now and I must say for the better. It is good for a mother and daughter to have a relationship that’s close. I desire and strive to have the same closeness with my two little girls. What I did not understand until a couple of years ago, was how this ‘closeness’ was effecting my marriage and my state of well-being so I had to ‘get back’. I had to create some space between my mother and other family members. For example, not calling my mother every time my husband hurt my feelings, or made a decision that I was unhappy with or to gossip. All of what I mentioned is considered gossip. It does not matter if you’re doing it with a close friend, a neighbor or your mother, its still gossip and its a sin and wrong.
Since then, our relationship has not been as close but I must say that my walk with Christ has been better. Let me explain. My opening myself up to, receiving and considering the bad counsel that was given to me by her, affected me in more ways than I could have imagined. Let me use today’s conversation as a prime example. I called her to see how she was doing and to….you know, talk mommy, daughter stuff. I told her that my deep freezer went out. She told me how ‘its good it lasted as long as it did’, etc. She said, ‘why don’t you tell your husband to buy you a new deep freezer’. I said I can’t or should I say ‘I won’t tell him, but I can ask’. She said ‘it’s not you can’t but you won’t and you crazy’. Now, I was almost offended by that statement, especially considering the tone and spirit in which she said it in. Also, this was not the first time she has said something like that to me. I’ve also heard it from others that were close enough to me for their opinion to matter and count to me. But this time something was different.
I did not have the energy to re-explain how wives should have a submissive and gentle, not controlling spirit towards their husband. I did not have time to recount 1 Peter Chapter 3 to her.
We’ve been over and studied these verses together for years. She know’s first hand how hard my journey to being a better, godly wife has been. She has seen me forgive. She’s seen me bridle my tongue when every bone in my being wanted to rant and rave and ‘go-off’. She’s seen it all. Instead of it making her say, ‘wow, God is truly amazing. Through everything, my daughter and my son-in-law is still together. Both of them are striving to please God and that’s amazing’, she takes opportunity to sew her seed’s of rebellion into my ear lobes.
This is one of my reasons I’ve decided to reject anything from anyone that is not God’s word. Life and death is in the power of our tongues according to the bible. We have the right to refuse or accept what people say about us and towards us. I choose to accept only what the Word of God says about me. Question is, am I seeking to please my mother or the Lord?
Many young women seek the approval of their family over the Lord. His words says that we are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (kjv) and some translations state to submit as a service to the Lord (amp).
Note: Submission is simply following your husbands leadership, yielding and conforming to it .
Is submission crazy?
According to Webster’s Dictionary…
- the state of being obedient : the act of accepting the authority or control of someone else
Is it crazy to be and act in submission to God’s instituted authority on earth?
My answer is Yes. Christianity is crazy to the world.
1 Corinthians 1:18 states “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (NIV)
1 Corinthians 4:10 states ”
It’s often hard for people to ‘leave and cleave’. Once married, its often difficult for men and women to leave their families ‘grip’ on their lives. In worse case scenarios, the word of God often makes it more difficult and I believe God’s wants it that way.
Matthew 10:34-36 states “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.”
The word of God is foolishness and craziness to those who do not trust in Him and believe His word over what they think, see and feel.
Sadly, this can include family members. So much so, God’s word will bring division and put close family members against each other because of their disagreement on lifestyle.
Unfortunately, our church’s and pews are filled with people who are professional pew-warmers who attend church religiously. They know the church talk and rhetoric.
- They know how to dress, etc. But when it come to living for Christ, that’s where the buck stops.
- They obey His word up until a point.
- They are not willing to crucify themselves daily.
- They are not willing to die to their wants.
- They even try to push their lifestyle and wants on others, including their family members.
God’s word is not the standard.
His Word is not the standard in our country, culture or society.
We as women, we are very emotional creatures. If we are not careful, our feelings will become an idol in our hearts. This was the case for me for so many years. If it didn’t feel right, it must not have been right. If my husband would make a decision that I did not agree with, I ‘felt’ it gave me the right to argue with him and try to convince him to see that I was right.
This was so far from Gods plan for me as a wife. I began studying and saw the truth in God’s word. I am suppose to win him over not by being ‘contentious’, argumentative or with talk but by my godly lifestyle and living (1 peter 3:1). All the while, loving him in a submissive way and yielding to him in a peaceful and gentle spirit. Now, of course, if he asks me to sin, God does not want me to follow him into sin. If I did that, I would be making my husband an idol.
Thanks be to God that He gives us the strength to walk in obedience to His word, even unto death. He gives us His Holy Spirit to fill us and empower us to walk in His Spirit not in our fleshly desires. His power allows me to strive and live a life worthy to Him, allowing my walk and marriage to bring glory to His name, inspite of persecution from those I love and others on the outside making judgments. Because of this, I am free to live in liberty. You are free as well.